Ok maybe i over reacted a little...

So A never called me last night, but he did eventually come over al like 11. i waited for him at Mars Cafe for like and hour and a half but he never showed up. I told him how i felt about what happened last night. He understood. I don't know why but i still feel uneasy about it. I just flat out don't want him to be in her vicinity! but the shitty thing is that that is a hopeless request. I need to get over it. He loves me and this is the healthiest relationship that i have ever been in, the only problem is that immature little girl that he had a child with.

So i went to my local business branch meeting on Monday.
I don't understand why those passionate amazingly wonderful women get so caught up in the bureaucratic bullshit that is expected of this organization. With all the shit that is going on in the world, we are focusing on how much money we should spend on cards and flowers for special events in members lives!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

i really really really really hope that my loan comes next week. But as long as i have A to help me out until i get paid on Friday. I should be ok. He filled up my tank today so i should be alright. I am sooo hungry though! And i don't know when i am going to have time to eat anything. I have about an hour between when i get out of class and when i need to go to work. i really hope that i have time to get something to eat. k

I was so jealous last night. Not in the way that i was mad, but that i was just deeply sad and hurt. I mean not to keep saying the same thing, but the fact is that he HAS to have a relationship with another woman for the rest of his life!! that is kinda a big deal. Maybe just to me. And i guess also the problem with this is that he is so damn young. he isn't even 21 yet. I had always dreamed that i would be married and have my first child with a man who could share the experience of having a first child with me. If i were to marry A (in all honesty could be a definate possibility) and the point came that we were ready to have a child, he would already have a 2-3 or four year old. Its just not how i imagined my life. but i guess plans have to change. and they are not always not right.

i think i am really stressing out too much about this.

i wish i could just not care, and not think about these things.
You know what i really wish?? (i almost don't want to say it cuz i love aj)

But i really wish that A would never have had a child.

God sometimes when he talks about her it just makes me want to cry. like when he talks about his experiences with her and with her being pregnant. It makes me sick to my stomach.

FUCK